Sunday, February 10, 2013

Hello I Love You

One of the things that I discovered on this journey is that well before I reached the point of physical changes in being out in public on a regular basis is that, just by being trans, that  you will be a target for come-on artists and/or would be cons hoping to get their hands on some of my cash.
For some reason, some men (often, but not always, Middle Eastern) find trans women attractive. One could hazard a guess as to why -- that we are some sort of forbidden fruit, being both Western and trans. Of course, the likelihood of a relationship isn't there, so the pitches are often attempts to get to the point.
They want to cyber. They want to see your naughty bits. They want to pretend they're doing stuff to yours. Some want to explore their own place on the gender the most cyberish and sleazy way possible.
Another form of attention is not specific to trans women. It's the con. Someone claims to have seen your profile and that you're lovelier than any woman they've ever seen. And, oh, they're often a widower, too.
Of course, it's all an effort to get you to lower your defenses so they can can you out of money.
The thing is that they tend to make it obvious. Many read like the cut-and-paste basic con pitch they are. Others are attempts to do so, but written by someone who clearly does not speak English as their first language.
Yet, the latter will think that we think they're American. I remember a particularly awkward pitch from someone with a Caucasian profile picture and an Anglo name -- Tom Young. Nice try, but access denied.
There's no denying an inherently insulting belief in many of the sleazy attempts to be amorous, a belief underpinned by sadness.
So many of these men clearly want a gay experience, given what they expect us to "do" to them in cyberland. They don't live in cultures where it's acceptable to be gay, so they can have that with a woman...and not actually have physical contact, let alone a relationship. A very sterile, cold getting their rocks off and sublimating of their real life desires.
This is NOT to say that a man in an actual relationship with a trans woman is gay. That's not the case.
But I'm talking about men who make (generally) false assumptions about what we, as trans women, are into.
But, that doesn't stop them from making their pitches or the cons from assuming that we'll be so desperate for male attention that we'll send them money.
Luckily, these two forms of individual tend to give themselves away, often to clumsy effect.
With that in mind, I present some of the pitches I've received from these types -- either overly amorous seekers of cyber and/or my money. A few are ones received by friends that were worthy of mockery.
My comments for each are included parenthetically, and needless to say, but in all instances, access was denied.
Let's dig in, shall we?

"i lyk old women. cn u ad me?" (How Not to Woo 101)

"hello baby" (goodbye man with comically undersized batch area)

"may i ask u something??? " (I would think that's something you'd want to see your personal physician about)

"hello sexy wommen nice to meet u" (Too much ouzo, he's seeing double)

"i paenis see you plase yahoo adress" (Is this a come-on or military code? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot)

"u like cok" (Again with the poultry)

"hello! How are you? Looked yours profile! To want gets acquainted with you! I to search the partner for creation serious relations, family! If I have interested you write to me " (Think me let, chance you  no hell, creation serious relations, yourself!)

Hello babe are you here in nigera or where are you”  (I’m clearly not in Nigeria because you would be doubled over in pain right now)

if you can pay for my ticket i will like to be wet you for ever” (Ahh…the old ‘money for wetness’ way to a girl’s heart.)

"Been watching TS and crossdresser porn I am so horny now got my favorite vibrator in the ol cornhole riding it like crazy wish someone was here to help me!" (That was a wise purchase, because you won’t get an actual human near there)

"hai dear your so tempting me..why u r so beauty..aafter seeing your pics,am so try 2 pump my cock..but am not wear inner ware.that why am did that dirty amzing beauty..i likeu very much dear.." (Here’s the tweezers so you can get on that pumping. By the way, thanks for reminding me. I need to find a shop that sells stylish inner wear for women.).

slm naber cnm bnm (hm wt u mn not srnm wtnm thnm fcnm unm mnnm) re looking so cute and wonderful,i will like to have a friendship with you. (Oh great, I'm getting hit on by the Turkish Mr. Rogers)

"if i meet u i will be 200% hot" (I applaud your enthusiasm, but not your math skills. Or you have a body temperature of 197.2 degrees. So I would either be meeting an idiot or the Human Torch. Either way, I would experience a burning sensation).

"me>u cuz im in colleg" (I'm sure your parents are very glad you made it into Columbia).

hey ! sara how are you? i just want from you to find me a girl friend and make with us some of sex and love plz find me one mwaaaaaah (Oh, dear, I do declare. You got my name wrong and hit me up for a threesome with your opening line. I do believe I have the vapors).

I admire your beauty and Bnzertk beautiful and I hope that sent by me a friend request because I am banned and I am grateful to"  (I'm not sure if Bnzertk refers to part of my body or one of the former Soviet states.)

am I goin to fuk u from ur asss. suk mi long penniss hell (So many elements here. The question manages to be creepy and physically impossible.  The ensuing demand is more nonsensical than creepy. I have no idea what "penniss hell" is, although I think there is a Penniss Hall at a college around here somewhere. So he might be confused).

Hi? (Innocuous enough until closer inspection reveals his profile picture is not the world’s smallest asparagus)

iam bobly porson like jok,laugh,i like traveling.raeding,dancing,...... (You may want to see a doctor about that bobliness. No jok)

"How beautiful you are very beautiful. I am Karim from Algeria. I want to marry you. I'm all alone. I want my wife and the exchange of sex together truthful ... When I saw your picture stood my penis. I love beauty. I want my wife and myself I am serious in my words.” (I do not want Karim. I wish him sex alone truthful. When I read your pitch, nothing my felt. I am serious in my words).

·     “You are a beautiful girl and you look and feel of Cor-like appearance of scientists and politicians as the slim and sexyactresses such as The film stars and is capable of excitement, such as stars Albernoare you? I want to get to know each And move closer to hell You will find warmth or burning it does not matter I will be happy with the fire” (You might want to see a urologist about that warmth and burning)

I want to meet you. Is this possible? “ (Let me look at your page. You list “lickin’ pussy” as a favorite activity? I’ll pass on meeting you, Mr. Random Sleazy Foreign Guy).

Suck u bb (no, ashl)

My dinkle just shot cum mmmm" (Sorry, I’m laughing too hard that you called it ‘dinkle’)

Hello dearie i was just browsing through comments of on Facebook and i got so attracted to your profile picture.i want to know more about you and what it could cost me to make you be mine forever. Your beauty is such that it's claws will make any man go whiskey on setting eyes on you.  (For the love of all that's holy, some country singer has got to write a song called "Make a Man Go Whiskey.")


Hello,  (Yes? Yes? Goodbye)

I was touched by your profile picture,You look simple and elegant and i must confess,You are a pretty lady,I had to summon the courage to write you,I am a widower and i have a daughter(8 years old) living with me,I would like to know more about the pretty and charming lady (Hello, nice "man" who didn't write something that sounded like a form pitch and who signed the note with his names reversed from his profile name).

hiiiiiii (You know, there’s nothing I love more than a man not afraid to show off his deep vocabulary).

slm ahmed bakan (

its god that can make people happy (Dear God,  what are your feelings on people who include pictures of their junk with this message?)
u mind if i stuck my tounge in ur ass hole and lick it so deep (Evidently, I got a private message intended for his mother by mistake)

Kara T.,How u doing,how is ur day going,N how is everybody around u?am a cool guy who luv meeting good people like u.i saw ur pretty face N profile on Facebook wall,u av a wounderful comment on ur Fb wall.i just want 2 tell u dat i luv it N it made me 2 luv d kind of person u are.Great impression can be made from a distance but reality can only be tested up closely.We all came into dis world without knowing Nobody,but we just giv people a trial 2 see if they're worth keeping as frends or not.With a sincere heart N harmless i wud luv 2 b ur frend.
(Let me go to Google Translate to speak this language…”U may b kewl gy, but u txt lyk tween girl. U made bad impression to dis girl hoo saw thru ur scam. No frend. Keep txt lyk tween girl, u mite get Bieber tix, lu zr”)
OHH MY GOD !!! This is amazing you look cute just like an Angel, i don't believe that their is some cute as you on the earth not until i see your picture of your profile....i will love to know more about you if you don't mind, you are a kind of woman that need to be cared for not to suffer, i don't know if you can give me a chance to prove myself.....Hope to read from you soon. Regards.  (just a little hint. You laid it on just a liiiiiiiitle too thick).

I saw your pics on the friends you may know, your last name look familiar, have you live close to Cascade Locks, Oregon before? also you have a nice pics on your profile, can you tell me a bit about your self?

Am Michael (Yes, I literally put my pictures on my friends. Oh, and nice touch with the ‘am Michael’ when your profile name says ‘Mik’)

Hello,it's my pleasure to write to you. your profile caught up my eyes. i must confess you are so pretty and look more like an angel.I am a single father who seek a serious relationship for marriage.i would like to have a word with you if you don't mind,I want you to write me and tell me more about yourself...thanks. (Another single dad con. Luckily, I only caught up his eyes. Heaven forbid I make him go whiskey, too)

u tow so dam sexxxxxxxxxy (I guess they greenlit that Borat sequel).

Hello Dear, should i say you are a woman of substance or better still a God sent from above may be you might call it flattering i Am Marvin by name and have come to realize that true love can only come when you don't look for it,but that doesn't mean you should not say hello to a beautiful lady when you see one...Am not flattering you this just a way to say you look good,i just saw your profile and felt complimenting is not a bad idea... I am an Engineer, Am a single dad, and i have being praying a new love to come by, am telling you all this because but i don't know why, may be i Just want to be open minded with you, am not getting any younger and my dream is to have a good family and i know am pursuing serendipity because i believe in miracles cos God is up there watching us. (I’m going to go out on a limb and say he’s not an engineer, or single dad or Marvin. And it’s a sad day when we resort as a human race to impersonating Marvins).

hole kara (I have no idea how to take that)

hy how r u (The first name of this guy’s profile was “Unlucky.” Seriously).

Hello Kara,
How are You doing today?How is your family?I Hope everyone are doing great,I got your profile interested and thought it's necessary for me to express myself this way..Am Whiteman Philip;Am a single dad seeking for a God fearing woman to be with and spend my time with always (His profile name was something else, but he feels the need to reassure me he is Whiteman)

Help me break this spell that I'm under, guide my feet and hold me tight. I need 10,000 angels watching over me tonight , One need not look towards the heavens to find an angel for I've one here before me, If I ever saw an angel, it was in your eyes. I'll sweep you off your feet, and make God know he left an angel behind, you know what ? Heaven's lost without you (Wow. Apparently this guy decided to rip off Bieber lyrics for his pitch).

hello Transsexual am a male who like Transsexual i will like to be your man you like what you see and want me as your man reply me back
(That’s not dehumanizing at all. I’m sure if you were a non cyber and/or con sleaze, you wouldn’t like it if I addressed you with “hello black man”)

are very good wishes to spend an evening with you the whole night only wanted to fuck (Good to know I’m reaching employees at Hallmark Cards)

hi my friend just i want to tell you realy u are soo beautiful kisss (Really, don’t drink and type).

U like cok (And here we are, finishing as we began, with a man obsessed with poultry.)

Until next time....


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